How to beat Bayern Munich – by Arsene Wenger

STEP 1: Sign a world-class goalkeeper, capable of stopping Robert Lewandowski one-on-one. AKA Petr Cech.


STEP 2: Rally up the team with a “nothing to lose” attitude, by losing first two group games meaning we have to win this one or we’re effectively out. (Circa away legs in Munich in 2013&14 where we won 2-0 and drew 1-1 after poor first legs).


STEP 3: Tell the press you’re going to come flying out the blocks from the start to get an early goal. Do the opposite. Leave Bayern and Guardiola surprised by deep-lying defensive tactics.


STEP 4: Play only the counter attack. Surrender possession. Defend as a team.


STEP 5: Turn Coquelin to fully passionate and determined. Allow for big challenges, shouting at team-mates, keeping everyone organised, and celebrating like a fan.


STEP 6: Make religious 70th minute substitution where Walcott and Giroud swap places.


STEP 7: Put all the big guys in the box and sneak a cheeky winner.

STEP 8: Score. With any part of the body. Doesn’t matter how they come. I always rated Giroud.

STEP 9: Keep a clean sheet.

STEP 10: Remind Bellerin he is faster than Douglas Costa. And Alaba. And everyone else on the pitch for that matter.

STEP 11: Get Ozil another goal in another big game.

STEP 12: Be the first manager to have beaten both Pep Guaridola’s Barcelona and Bayern Munich.

Check. Check. Check. Check. Check.